http://divinguniverse.com/blogs/post/257600
Why Men Push Away Their Ideal Girl
When Holly met Colin 3 years ago , she believed they were ideal for each other . They had the same black humor and also appreciated the exact same movies . They both wanted to have children in the next couple of years .
Even their favorite childhood story was the same - The Velveteen Rabbit - a cute coincidence he often pointed out when people asked about how they met .
So when he unexpectedly ended the relationship one stormy October day, she felt completely blindsided.
"I can't understand what happened ," she told us "He had told me that he'd made a list when he was younger of everything he desired in a girlfriend , and that I was everything he ever hoped for . And also, just a couple of weeks ago he was talking about singing classes so he could sing to me at our wedding."
Sadly , this story is all too common . According to dating and relationship expert Clayton Max, it's not unusual at all for a guy to retreat from a woman who seems perfectly suited for him .
"What many women don't understand ," Max says "is it doesn't matter how well suited she is for him 'theoretically '. She could tick all the boxes on his list, but when it comes to moving the relationship forward, he still is vulnerable to panic . "
It's because despite taking pride in how logical they are , Max states , "Men don't choose a long-term partner based on the person who is the most rational option for them. Instead , they choose the person that makes them FEEL certain things."
What 'things' do men need to feel?
According to Max, men are instinctively more frightened of committing than womenare , however their minds actually are pre-wired with a mechanism that bypasses this anxiety with the appropriate woman .
This mechanism is called The Infatuation Impulse , and when it's triggered , it essentially closes down the part of his brain that feels uncertain . Suddenly his instincts of doubt are released , he feels a sense of certainty about the woman , and he's willing to move mountains to be with her.
When choosing between a person that makes logical sense to him and one who 's activated his primitive infatuation impulse , men will always pick the one who 's sparked his infatuation impulse one hundred percent of the time .
So what are Max's points for a woman that wants her man to commit more deeply to her?
1. Accept the Truth
A big error that women make, is wishing men were different than they are. But he can no more control these emotions of panic than a woman can control her thoughts .
In reality , when he really feels misunderstood for his vulnerability , it further contributes to the anxiousness and shame he has inside , making him more likely to leave sooner rather than later .
When you acknowledge that this is simply the way men arehard-wired , and resist the urge to pressure him, it provides space to focus on what DOES make him sure - activating his infatuation instinct .
2. Avoid Focusing on trying to convince him
The majority of women get stuck in attempting to be a man's 'perfect girl' , by exhibiting all the 'sweetheart ' traits , like being an excellent listener, being loyal, attentive, generous, and seductive .
They'll list out all the reasons they're a good match , or they'll simply try to find out what qualities he wants in a woman , so they can display them when he's around.
Either way , they're trying to work with his 'rational brain ', which in this instance is not running the show .
Women will do this again and again , despite the fact that this strategy virtually never ever succeeds , leaving them let down , and mad when the guy winds up leaving her for a woman who has practically none of the qualities he states he desires .
3. Focus on triggering his infatuation instinct
The only surefire way of getting a man to commit with his whole heart, so he's completely sure that she is the one for him, is to trigger his infatuation instinct .
A man 's infatuation instinct is activated by very specific traits in a woman . Traits like intrigue , boundaries, and also unpredictability , which create a sense of exhilaration and an urge to follow her .
Although most women will try to show her man how devoted they are to him in the hope that this will make him feel secure to open his heart, this typically intensifies the stress he feels on his shoulders , because at this moment , he's more terrified of losing his freedom and sense of self than losing her.
To find out more on how to activate a guy's infatuation impulse , with exact scripts that do exactly that, watch this free video presentation.
In it, you'll learn about the 'emotional tripwire', which places a man in infatuation mode, without him realizing why.
Watch it now while it's still available
Comments
Post a Comment